Don't ignore me, you git wanker!
by JoKerx3
Summary: How America and England decided to confess their feelings. T for language.


_Author's Note: Intentional badfic is bad. My views do not coincide with the "story", so I hope no one gets offended. I actually love USUK/UKUS, but hey, it was fun writing this. Hope all USUK fans and haters alike enjoy. :D_

_Edit: *sigh*Let me just clarify that this was something I wrote when I was bored. This was never meant to be taken seriously. It's just a parody of some of the clichés I've seen in USUK fics, but really, that's all. So I'll say it again, this was an **INTENTIONAL BADFIC.** _

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"Haaay Iggy~! Whatcha doin, dude?" America, the most handsomest, blue-eyes bespectacled, corn-flower haired nation announced his entrance to England's seat one day.

"Nothing," England shouted with his British voice and his eyebrows exploded. Which made his messy gold caterpillair hair was even messier than usual. England always shouted because he was irritable and cranky. Especially since he liked to acted that he hated America. (**_A/N squeaaaal but we no thats not true right gaiz lololololol like love always prevail for our hero and his gentleman like yeah!_**) "Why do you call me that, you stupid bloody git wanker! It sounds bloody stupid, you git-faced twat!" he said defensively because he was always argumentative with people. Especially America and France. Even though it was not a very gentlemanly thing to do.

Alfred was looking at him with a spaced-out look on his perfect and handsome and flawless face. He was spaced-out because the word space made him think about aliens and hamburgers. "Arthur I'm hungry." His tummy rumbled in agreement. "Can we has hamburgers and ice cream and go eat together?"

"HAHAHAHAHA," he added a laugh for no apparent reason, other than the fact that he's America and he likes to laugh.

England's/Arthur's/Iggy's willed his eyebrows to grow back, and they did. Because he did it with magic, and because the effect of his glare wouldn't be the same without it. "DON'T IGNORE ME! GIT BLOODY WANKER TWAT! CURSE CURSE CURSE!" And of course England was too busy of course getting annoyed at America of course to notice the name-change-shifting of his own name of course, so he didn't bother mentioning it of course. Of course.

America covered his ears slightly because England was being very loud and angry, but was still smiling his perfect white smile. Because everything about Alfred was perfect. Even if America is a little a bit stupid sometimes. Besides, he was also smiling because Iggy/Arthur/England was always cute when he was mad, and Alfred must be a masochist to tolerate the cursing. At least England didn't hit Alfred in a violent manner. And England would never hit him in a violent manner, because he was the super strong hero after all! Not to mention that, gentleman would never be violently mannered.

"I SAID DON'T IGNORE ME! I LOVE YOU, STUPID GIT WANKER!" (**A/N OMG SQUEAAAAAAAL my profile has fanartz of this moment gaiiz!1!1!**)

There was a romantic and dramatic silence as their eyes faced each other. Crickets began to chirp to distract the silence, even though it wasn't night time yet...and crickets always showed up at night time. Also, crickets weren't very romantic.

Then, England's eyes started crying.

"Oh, bollocks! I wasn't supposed to bloody say that!" England wailed as he sniffed.

"Iggy" America said with an open-wide mouth... because he was very shocked.

England mistook this as a sign that he was rejected because America didn't look happy and jump him like he imagined this moment to be like and so he started crying even more. Actually, he never intended to tell Alfred his feelings like ever, because he always felt like he wasn't good enough for America and he was worried that America might leave him again like he did before and that would just be really really really bad and England wouldn't know if he could handle it again. The thought of such angsty thoughts just made him cry even more. So he hid his face inside his hands because he was embarrassed and rejected, but you could still see the eyebrows because they were really just that thick.

"Arty" Alfred slowly said again. He was really really shocked and he didn't know why Arthur was crying and didn't know why he felt bad. But because he was really stunned, but also because he was so slow and stupid, it took him a while to realise why he was so shocked in the first place. "Is it true, Iggy?"

England could easily lie and not say anything. But since he was already crying and embarrassed and rejected and humilihated, therefore it clouded his way of thinking and therefore he thought that he might as well get it out in the open.

"Yes," he shouted as he cried in his British voice, but he sounded a lot like a British person when they were crying. "YES ITS TRUE! I LOVE YOU, GIT FACE WANKER BLOODY WANKER!"

"Really?" Alfmerica asked with the look of surprise and wide-open mouth still on his face. Alfred blinked and hesitated, he wanted to be sure that Arthland wasn't lying to him. Because that was just a mean thing to lie about! "You're really really sure? That you love me? Like love love me? Even more than tea and unicorns?"

Iggy managed to nod slowly because he didn't feel like shouting when he was still crying and his voice must have sounded hoarse by all the crying he's doing and his face was still covered since he was crying behind his hands and wanted to hide his beautiful crying green eyes. He would just have to shout at Alfred for making fun of his tea and unicorns later...

Alfred put out a hand near Iggy, knowing what he always wanted to say for a long time too. "England, Fuck yeah! I love you too!" (**A/N SQUEAAAAAAL FANS SELF LIEK OMG GAIZ!1!1! THAY R JUZ SOOO ADORABLE!)**

Arthur forgot all about crying for a minute and shot America a sceptical glare. "You're lying, wanker!" he shouted in a British way again, but his eyebrows didn't explode this time, and his voice was still shaking a bit from the time he was crying. All of the emotions came flooding out. "YOU DON'T LOVE ME AT ALL! YOU NEVER LOVE ME! HOW COULD YOU LOVE SOMEONE LIKE ME WHEN I AM SO TSUNDERE AND EMOTIONAL AND HAVE SUCH AN UGLY PERSONALITY! I DONT HAVE FRIENDS AND IM UGLY AND YOU CAN DO BETTER BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! AND IM NOT SELFISH! AND A GENTLEMNAN IS NEVER SELFISH!"

"Iggy!" Alfred was so shocked at all the information that he hugged the cranky British man to calm him down. "Iggy, you don't really think that about yourself! It is soooooo not true! You know I totally think the opposite! I LOVE YOU TOO! I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ICE CREAM AND WHALES AND ALIENS AND BURGERS!" He said really desperately to calm England while he was eating a burger. "AND THE ONLY THING I AM MORE SCARED ABOUT THAN GHOSTS IS LOSING YOU IN MY LIFE FOREVER BECAUSE I REALLY REALLY LOVE YOU!"

Arthur looked at the handsome American slowly and the tears started coming slowly. Why did he have to be so bloody perfect? It just wasn't fair! He wanted to shout again, but he was too hypnotised and Alfmerica's handsomeness was so breathtaking that he forgot what he was shouting about in the first place. So he just smiled dopily. "Oh, I love you! You are such a stupid git, but I love you!"

America smiled and his teeth started shining. Gods he was so handsome. "Oh Arty, I love you too! I always loved you! If I knew sooner, I would've kissed you!"

England smiled shyly as he blushed and his tears disappeared. "You could kiss me now?"

Alfred threw his hamburger away and pulled Arthur closer "Okay! Sure!"

And so America leaned close to Englands face and they French-kissed each other romantically and held each other in their arms (**A/N SQUEAAAAAAL DIES**), ignoring the looks of confused people who passed them by as they were sitting on the park bench.

They pulled away from each other's lips to gasp for some air, after a while. And Arthur looked very disappointed. America wasn't too disappointed, because he had a cunning and heroic plan for what they were about to do next.

"Soooooo" America grinned like a confident sheep. "...Want to have sex at my place?"

England's green eyes narrowed at his handsome now-boyfriend for a moment before sighing. "Fine," he said, sighing in a British voice. "Do I get to bottom?"


End file.
